I Keep 2 House Plants Alive and Kill the Rest

We’re hearing and reading everywhere that house plants are having their day, and I’m all in – as long as they’re growing in someone ELSE’s house. I have a strict tough-love policy for indoor plants, which only two species have been tough enough to survive long-term.

I can’t really explain my aversion to fussing with indoor plants. After all, outdoors I grow potted annuals that I happily water every day it doesn’t rain. But the idea of wiping some tropical plant’s leaves every day to prevent some infestation or other is ludicrous to me!

So I’ll stick with the two apparently fool-proof house plants I’ve kept alive for 20-30 years now (I’ve lost track) by watering every two weeks, and that’s it. No wiping of leaves, no feeding, no repotting.

One is a Hoya of some type or other. It’s hanging in my living room right now (top photo) but will spend the summer under a skylight in my porch, where it still only needs bi-weekly watering and even blooms! And the bloom is super-fragrant.

My other unkillable house plant is the lowly Philodendron, which I’d consider trading for an artificial one if I could find one that didn’t look cheesy. My two are surviving in the  inauspicious location above – at ceiling level – and in my previous homes it’s been in spots with even less light.

Yet look how healthy they are!

Lately, my house plant situation was complicated by this gorgeous succulent-filled pot I was given at Christmas (by someone who doesn’t use the Internet and won’t see this post). My cat Harry was happy to pose with it after rejecting it as something to eat.

Two and a half months later, it’s almost time for hospice care. With nowhere sunny enough to put the damn thing and just one small off-center drain hole, I knew the plants were doomed and even considered regifting the pot to a better, sunnier home.

I chose instead to reframe my thinking. I see these plants now as lovely but fleeting, like cut flowers. My guilt over killing them is gone.

I Keep 2 House Plants Alive and Kill the Rest originally appeared on GardenRant on March 8, 2019.

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